Does anyone remember the awesome variation of tag called Stuck in the Mud? It’s like Freeze Tag, only when you get tagged, and thus frozen, you stand with your feet apart, and the only way to get unfrozen is by someone crawling through your legs. At the risk of being Captain Obvious, Stuck in the Mud is far superior to any other variation of tag, no exceptions. It was the same in elementary school as it is now: a true friend is one who takes the time to crawl between your legs to get you out of a tough spot.
A few days ago, I was tagged by the fabulous Speaker7 in a game of tag via blogging. Ever since, I have been stuck in this proverbial mud, contemplating how to unstick myself (meaning, how to answer the earth-shattering questions listed below).
Allow me to post the rules:
1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!
Here are Speaker7’s questions for me, followed by my answers:
1.) Which member of the Backstreet Boys are you most like? I worshiped these fine young gentlemen and was even a proud, screaming fan in the front row of one of their concerts in high school, so this question is near and dear to my heart. It is also very easy to answer: Brian. In the special bonus squee version of All I Have to Give, where each dude got ~30 seconds to answer the question “What do you look for in a girl?” while talking over the music, Brian gave the sweetest, most sincere answer about liking “…a girl with a good head on her shoulders. One who likes to go to school, even.” THAT’S ME! I screamed. Nevermind that my current partner’s name is Brian, and my younger brother’s name is also Brian, which means that if I had been born a boy, my name would have been Brian. …Paging Dr. Freud!
2.) What did Bruce Jenner do to his face? Let this be a lesson to you, boys and girls: that is what your face will look like if you hang around the Kardashians for too long. This is why The Hump got out while he still could.
3.) Please explain what a Kim Kardashian is and why anyone would know what a Kim Kardashian is? Based on the evidence from question 2, Kardashian is a very infectious virus that originated from Armenia and has since spread to the United States. There are several different strains of this virus, the most common of which is called Kim, but you may run into others such as Kloe, Kourtney, and Kris. Symptoms include an incredibly annoying nasaly voice, the urge to constantly surround yourself with cameras, and in men, morphing facial features as seen in question 2. This virus is most commonly spread through the TV and computer, so use with extreme caution. Treatment includes turning off the TV, running away, and divorce.
4.) How doomed are we? Based on my answer for question 3, very doomed.
5.) Is Ryan Seacrest a robot or is he something less artificial? Ah, see, Ryan Seacrest is like a modern-day Frankenstein’s monster. He is the robot-turned-evil who killed his creator and is now responsible for the spread of this evil infectious Kardashian virus that will one day engulf the entire world. We’re that doomed.
7.) Which religion is correct? Bokononism.
8.) Can you think of someone who is worse than the current slate of Republican presidential candidates? Hitler. Satan. Or worse, Rush Limbaugh.
9.) Why do people enjoy the book Twilight? Honestly, because it’s fantasy. All the possessiveness and teen dating violence aside, it’s just fun (I get how horrible that sentence sounds, trust me.). The most appealing part for me was getting to feel the fantasy of just how devoted someone can be to someone else. Hard to describe, especially since I have a lot of problems with that story as applied to the real world.
10.) What’s up? I’m currently obsessed with The Walking Dead. What pains me is that they keep making so many mistakes! You’d think they would learn to stay together and KEEP AN EYE ON THE DAMN KID! Damn you, Carl!! You’re the reason Dale is dead! I loved him!!!! AND I HATE YOU! The end.
11.) How many Academy Awards will Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance win? This is going to play out like Repo Men, where this movie will have sucked the time and humanity from all the poor souls who end up watching it, and then the Academy is going to hire people to hunt down those responsible for making the movie in order to repay the poor, lost souls who are out ten bucks and two hours of their lives. Wow, someone should do this to cure Kardashian Ksyndrome.
Here are my questions, and I am tagging anyone who reads this (that’s right, I am that good at tag):
1. If you could have any institution, building, thing, named after you, what would it be and why?
2. What is the most annoying commercial in the history of the world?
3. What modern convienience could you most do without?
4. If you were reincarnated, what would you come back as?
5. What do you most often judge people for?
6. If there were no negative consequences, what horrible crime would you commit?
7. What would your stripper name be?
8. What do you want other people to know about you?
9. How will you survive the Kardashian virus, or has it already taken hold in your soul?
10. What is your favorite childhood game?
11. What is the meaning of life?
Okay, so I just got myself unstuck from the mud…which means…continuing this convoluted metaphor of cyber-blog-tag-as-Stuck-in-the-Mud… I must have gone under my own crotch, through my own legs. Which meeeeeans….yoga has really been paying off! Score!