It has been a HOT MINUTE since I last blogged.
You guys, I’m working again and it FEELS SO GOOD.
Going into this transition, I was worried it was going to throw me and my family for a loop. I worried the house would get cluttered and shit wouldn’t get done and I wouldn’t have time and I’d get stressed and anxious and start yelling at everyone. And that’s just on the home front. For work, I worried that I’d be drowning in imposter syndrome and what the hell am I doing and all the new shit I’d have to learn and oh my gosh I’ve forgotten how to do therapy go away I can’t help you.
But…it honestly hasn’t been that bad. The transition as a whole has been overwhelmingly positive, actually. Has the laundry sat for a week…or two…or more…without getting folded and put away? Yup. Have the dirty dishes sat overnight…or for the rest of the next day before I got to them? Sure. Did it bother me? You bet. But I got it done. Eventually.
And I had forgotten, but when one is first starting to build a caseload, it means that every new client one sees is new (duh). But that also means that it’s an assessment, and a diagnosis, and a bunch of documentation. All on an electronic charting system I had never used before. For my first two weeks of work, I was walking around with a glazed look on my face, and I had to stay up late most nights so I could finish my documentation before seeing several more brand new clients the next day. Whew. The dishes had to wait.
But oh man. My schedule is flexible and I get to do a hybrid of in-person and telehealth and I got to choose which populations and what ages I wanted to work with, all of which I’ve never had before. Before, if some of you remember, I worked at a nonprofit where we had little choice what hours we worked, there was no telehealth, and we tried to serve the most in-need populations with the fewest resources as best we possibly could. I am so thankful that I have landed where I am.
It feels so good to be making a contribution to my larger community, especially after the shared trauma of Covid and social isolation and depression and anxiety, etc. It feels so good to be making my own money, and to be contributing financially to the running of my household in addition to all the unpaid, visible and invisible labor I’ve always done. It feels so great to have my own time and my own space to focus on doing ONE. SINGULAR. THING. WITHOUT. INTERRUPTION. And that thing is honored and recognized by those around me. Ooh, mommy’s busy. She’s got a job.
I’m learning and I’m growing and that feels fantastic. I’m seeing more couples as clients and I’m so excited to get more training in that area. I’m using my brain, I’m using my degree. My DSM is dog-eared again, y’all.
Pair all this with great weather finally hitting the PNW, summer vacations are just around the corner. In the past year, I’ve made several new friends and my kids have grown SO MUCH both in school and out. My littlest one can read now!! Beyond exciting. I stepped up to be the main Girl Scout leader for my daughter’s troop, and while this unfortunately happened exactly when I began my new job, this is my dream come true and I’m doing everything I can to make sure these younglings have a fun and inspiring time learning new things and making new friends.
On this Mother’s Day, I’m thankful. I love my babies and I love my life. Lately, I’ll often find myself surprised that I feel so excited about my day and happy as my baseline. To keep things in perspective, I can’t help but compare this to how I felt a year ago, even 2 years ago. The difference is staggering.
I’m so glad I’m here right now.