I have tremendous amounts of willpower. Clinicians and researchers call this “delay of gratification,” and it has been studied in young folks and correlated to certain behaviors as adolescents and adults.
When I was little, I remember being given Oreo cookies and eating them the same way every time. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they eat their Oreos. For me, I would twist the two cookies apart and then look to see which cookie had more frosting on it. Then, I would eat the cookie with the least amount of frosting on it, saving the delicious frosting-covered deliciousness for last.
As a child, my Halloween candy would last until Christmas. My Christmas candy would last until Valentine’s Day. Hell, I still have some Valentine’s candy from this year in my pantry that I haven’t yet eaten.
These behaviors just came naturally to me. As soon as I could understand the concept of “saving the best for last,” I did just that. Somehow, I also correlate my wanting to clean up and liking rules and structure with being able to wait for things I really wanted, or even making myself wait for them. In other words, I think my ability to delay gratification was helped by me being (and continuing to be) a little OCD.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to get dirty when the time is right, but after playing in the mud with my brother in the backyard, I would come inside and hold out my hands to my mother: “Need da wag, Mommy, need da wag!” Translation: I needed a rag. Out, out damn spot!
I still do these behaviors to this day, and I probably won’t ever stop.
I think about coffee and sugary drinks on a daily basis. I fantasize about them. Usually when I am trapped at work and want to leave, my fantasy includes sitting on a magical beach where sand can’t get in my crack and sun can’t harm my skin cells, and in one hand is a good book, and in the other is a bottomless grande caramel frappuccino from Starbucks.
But do I drink Starbucks everyday? No, despite passing one every single time I drive to and from work.
Last story before the fun research part: My clinical internship during my master’s program was in a rural area and I worked with survivors of trauma. Every day, I had to drive past a Dairy Queen that was within walking distance of my office. Like I said before, I crave sugar on a daily basis, and I often turn to sweets when I am stressed. For 9 long months I forced myself to not stop at that Dairy Queen. It haunted me. It called to me.
Finally, on the last day of my internship, I walked to DQ and got a blizzard. Man, did that taste goooood. Delay of gratification, FTW!!
So how do they test kids to see if they naturally perform this behavior? It’s quite hilarious to watch. First, they sit the kid down at a table in a room where they are being secretly videotaped. The researcher puts a marshmallow down on the table and explains that the researcher is going to leave for a few minutes, and that the kid can have the marshmallow now, but that if the kid wants to wait to eat the marshmallow, and if the marshmallow is still there when the researcher gets back, then the kid can then have TWO marshmallows!
So then the researcher leaves the room and we watch.
Some kids eat that marshmallow so fast and never look back. Some kids sit and wait patiently for the researcher to get back, because damnit, they want TWO marshmallows! The interesting ones to watch are the kids who desperately want to wait and get their two marshmallows, and so they employ every tactic they can think of to cheat, avoid, or distract themselves.
Cheat – some kids will take tiny pieces off the marshmallow, or lick it, in hopes the researcher won’t notice and they can get their cake and eat it, too.
Avoid – some kids will turn their back on the marshmallow, or some even played under the table. Out of sight, out of mind.
Distract themselves – some would use the marshmallow as a toy and play with it. Some even tortured themselves by pretending to eat it…poor souls.
So what does this mean for behavior later in life?
Well, studies have shown that kids with an ability to delay gratification (meaning they have ‘impulse control’) are less likely to use drugs and break the law as adolescents and adults. In my case, I wonder if it’s positively correlated with being crazy OCD?
Check out two videos I found and watch the kids squirm….
This last video also had some hilarious kid-coping-skills-moments, but I stopped watching after the speaker went in a religious direction with the analysis. To each his own.
So, my Psychos, which kind of kid were you?! Would you have eaten the marshmallow right away? Would you have cheated? Would you have waited patiently?
I would like to nominate myself as the officiant. I would write fat rhymes for the wedding:
We’ve gathered here today to celebrate this crazy couple,
While they’re still in love, and photograph well because their bodies are supple.
She wants nothing more than to be his spouse,
Especially after she learned he owned a country house.
For better or worse, he wants to be her mate,
Or until her friend takes him up on the offer for a date.
It’s time to get this show on the road,
So they can finally hump as man and wife in their humble abode.