Jim Beam: Kid Tested, Mother Approved

So I went to my parents’ house this weekend and Saturday morning I woke up in my childhood bed, stumbled down the stairs and opened the cabinet to get some cereal for breakfast and this is what I saw:

Boozy-oh's: Breakfast of Champions!

Boozy-oh’s: Breakfast of Champions!

Alternate captions for this picture include:

“Cirrhosis Toast Crunch”

“Honey Bunches of Jameson”

“Captain Morgan Crunch”

“Scotchy Charms – They’re magically delicious!”

(Now accepting additional submissions for boozy cereal photo captions in the comments section!)


I’ll have you know that when I was living at home, this cabinet was full of sweet, delicious carbs in the form of sweet, delicious cereal.

After taking the above incriminating photo, I confronted my mom.

Me: Mom, what happened to the cereal cabinet?

Mom: Why, is it broken?  Did you break it?!

Me: No, it’s full of booze.  It’s now the booze cabinet!

Mom: Oh, that.  Well, I need to take tonic water to calm my restless legs before I go to bed.

Me:  …

Mom: And sometimes I need something to take away the bitterness of the tonic water, so I add some whiskey.

Me:  You take away bitterness…with whiskey?! 

Mom:  *quiter* …It calms the legs.

Next she’s gonna tell me that she replaced the candy in the candy drawer with meth.