You know you’re doing Whole30 when…

• You’re constantly thinking about food.
• All you have to do is give your partner a look and a grunt (maaaaybe a wave of the hand) for them to get that fucking beer/ice cream/candy bar wrapper out of your sight.
• All your girl scout cookies are shoved to the back of the pantry.
• You practically live in the bulk-foods aisle. (Did you know that those pre-packaged nuts are a racket?! You can just bag them and weigh them yourself- they’re the same nuts! -for much cheaper y’all.) #samenuts
• Your husband starts naming snack options for your kids and after each option, you start saying “compliant” or “not compliant” without even thinking.
• You start thinking about how many ways you can make eggs. There’s scrambled, hard boiled, poached, fried, omelette, raw…such a world of possibilities!
• You start carrying full meals around with you to social gatherings. You know. Just in case.
• You try to cram an entire meal into your piehole (not compliant) before going out because you’re pretty sure there won’t be anything you can eat there…and then you still bring a meal with you just in case.
• You make slow-mo videos of the blender whirling your latest tastebud sensation and then post them to Facebook (ahem).
• You start mentally planning your next smoothie even before this one has finished whirling (has anyone included almond butter?! Totally doing that next.)
• You start looking up W30 memes and laaaaaugh and laugh.
• You start running out of compliant food midway through the week and have to run to the grocery store again, ugh.
• You start continue sharing about bowel movements.
• You start blogging about it. Like, all the time.

 

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Sexiest Treatment Goals Ever

I had to share this gem since I’ve never seen a “Hey, girl…” meme that’s mental health themed before.

source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/183943966002384171/?fb_ref=254805428825752976%3A243933921eb3311a3d9e

You can lie on my couch any time, Mr. Gosling.

Hey, pregnant girl…

Hey y’alls.

In case you haven’t heard, my online shirtless husband Ryan Gosling is now my online shirtless babydaddy, complete with memes.  (Reposted from Today.com)

 

 

 

For the record, nothing is sexier than reminding me to take my folic acid.

If you’re Ryan Gosling, that is.

Search engine terms I never thought I’d see

I wasn’t even planning on posting today, but this is just too good.  Indeed, the blogging gods are calling me in to do my duty.  Ha…duty. (Don’t worry, this will make sense in a few sentences)

I have so many questions about a particular search engine term…so. many. questions.

I don’t even know where to start.

I mean, I get that people make their way to my blog because I did a therapist meme since I couldn’t find one that described my daily life accurately.  I understand that there are a variety of “how-people-view-my-profession” memes out there, but I didn’t realize just how wide of a variety until today.  Pun intended.

Another question: Was I not remembering the content of my blog accurately?  Just how often do I say anus?  I know I enjoy a good poop joke, but it often involves innuendo, and anus is rather…harsh.  And look, now I’ve gone and used it…twice.  In italics.

I’m going to gingerly sidestep all the questions I have about why this person was searching for this particular phrase, and instead I am going to sincerely apologize that ve didn’t find what ve was looking for on my blog.  Sorry for the lack of anal stretching.

The last question I will ask (that I never thought I would ever have to ask) is – what the hell is an anus stretching meme?!  Is it a meme that shows one how to stretch one’s anus?  It is a meme showing the joys of one whose anus has already been stretched?

I’m not sure I care to know the answers.  I just hope that the searcher found what ve was looking for…cuz it certainly wasn’t here.

Therapy: It’s what I do

I finally made one of these meme-thingies since I didn’t find an already made one that I felt really spoke to what I do:

 

So this is me as a master’s level therapist on the track to be a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), or as close to my experience as I could get through googling pictures.  A common misconception is that MFTs treat only couples and families, and that is far from the truth.  Although the license was originally created for the purpose of keeping marriages and families together, it has since widened considerably to include all types of relationships.  As for me, I work mainly with adult women who have experienced some type of sexual or domestic violence.  The following is a description for what I intended my pictures to convey.

What my friends think I do – I earned my master’s degree in Boston and Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors ever, so this movie is one of my favorites.  For this one, please picture the part where the therapist keeps telling Will that “it’s not your fault…it’s not your fault.”  Cue uncontrolled sobbing and the massive bear hug.  *sniff*

What my parents think I do – This picture was exactly what I was trying to find :)

What society thinks I do – When I tell people what I do, I usually then brace for either a variety of awkward therapy jokes or for that person’s life story to come pouring out.  My favorite (read: not favorite) joke is when people ask, “Haha, are you analyzing me right now?”  My answer: “Haha – you really don’t want me to.”

What my clients think I do – I was torn with this one.  The above picture shows what my clients who like me and want to be in therapy think I do.  I had another picture with a dude in a suit looking condescendingly over his glasses and writing notes on a pad of paper – this one would represent what my court-appointed clients think I do.

What I think I do – I looked long and hard for a picture of a beautiful woman (me) wearing a daisy wreath in her hair and a white cotton dress frolicking happily through a sun-bathed green, grassy meadow.  On my good days, that is what I do (and how I look).  But I guess triumphantly climbing mountains will have to do.

What I really do – I work at a nonprofit.  We have computers older than I am that break down more often than I have bowel movements.  We have way too much paperwork to deal with.  We have budget cuts and a lack of normal office supplies.  We have lots of calls from clients, social workers, court, other therapists, parents of clients to listen to and respond to.  We also have several different service locations and we’re constantly driving between them.  Find me a picture that accurately shows all of that.

So this is what I do in a nutshell.  And, for the most part, I love it!