On this day last year, I was induced to give birth to my first child.
I can’t believe it’s been an entire year…it went by super fast. As I usually do, I’ve been looking back on my experiences a year ago and have been having all the feelings.
I plan to eventually have another kid, and that makes me think of what I might like to do differently with the second labor and delivery. And even as I write that previous sentence, I realize how pointless it would be to count on my wishes coming true, because for all I know, my second labor will be totally different because that’s how the universe works.
But, for the hell of it, here are some things I’d do differently, followed by some things I did that were totally right for me.
Things I’d do differently whilst expelling a baby from my body
- Advocate more fiercely against being induced
We have Kaiser Oregon insurance, and for some reason they have a guideline to push induction at 41 weeks. I know plenty of other midwives/doctors/facilities who won’t induce until 42 weeks. Either way, I don’t like feeling pushed to force my body into doing something it clearly isn’t ready to do. Next time, I plan to bring this topic up sooner with my midwife and advocate for as natural a process as possible.
2. Ask my midwife when she plans to go on a frickin vacation
My midwife went on vacation the very week I was due, and then I had to have the induction discussion with a midwife I had just met. It sucked. Medical people – please tell your pregnant patients well in advance when you’re planning a vacation. Grr.
3. Bring (even more of) my own crap to the hospital for delivery
Our Kaiser hospital claimed to be a “breastfeeding friendly” hospital. What that really translated to was, “We won’t provide you with simple things like breastfeeding pillows, and the things we do provide, we’ll judge you for not bringing your own.”
I’ll start with the breastfeeding pillow. I had one, but I left it at home. My hospital only provided those thin, plasticy hospital pillows, and I had to stack 6-8 pillows around me in order to get my kid in the right position to even try latching. It was awkward and very inconvenient.
Since my boy had trouble latching, they asked if I had brought my breast pump. I said no. They gave me one, but it came with a glare.
Next time, I am bringing all my own stuff.
4. Do everything I can to minimize interruptions and distractions
Nurses and doctors and photographers and clowns and dancing bears were coming in and out of my room juuust about every 30 minutes. Are you frickin kidding me?! There is no way anyone can get any sleep or try to breastfeed with that parade of crazy. This hospital claimed to offer “collaborative care” for my baby and me, meaning that the baby’s doctor and my doctor would work together as a team. Well you know what? That never happened. It didn’t help to have my doc come and take my vitals and then my baby’s doc came to take his vitals 20 minutes later. After this happened to us many times, my husband and I finally had to actually yell at a nurse to get her to leave. And my husband doesn’t yell. We were pissed.
Next time, we plan to tell everyone straight up to take our vitals at the same time and to minimize visits. And we’re bringing paper and tape and a pen to make signs to put on our door telling the photographer to stay the hell away. And you too, dancing bears!
5. Advocate to switch nurses if one isn’t meeting our needs
There was one nurse who came in juuuust after I was finished trying to get my boy to latch. And by try, I mean that we spent 20 minutes wrestling with my boob and his mouth and he was having none of it. I put him down so we could both sleep and we’d try again later. Enter nurse, and she insisted that it was time to nurse. I told her we’d just tried. Like, just. She didn’t believe me. She brought my baby to me and insisted that she watch while I try to get him to latch in front of her.
Looking back, I should have asked for a new nurse right then. If I have to do it over again, I hope I have the ladyballs to do it (ask for a new nurse), because she made me feel like crap and she sucks at her job. At the very least, I’d have my husband go to the nurses’ desk and request a new nurse. Passive-aggressive advocating is better than no advocating at all.
6. Advocate for leaving the hospital sooner
My boy was having trouble breastfeeding, and so it took us a bit longer to figure out a feeding plan that would work for us. I am thankful that things didn’t turn out worse, because had my boy lost any more weight they would have discharged me and kept him and I would have been very worried and peeved. Buuut, I still feel like they took their sweet time getting us ready to go.
We were in the hospital postpartum for 2 days, but when you tack that onto being induced and laboring in the hospital for 2 full days prior, it felt like a looong time. We were tired and cranky. I wanted my own bed and my own shower. Next time, I am going to be packing my bags much sooner as long as we’re all good and healthy.
Now, I know I’ve just done a bit of bitching, but overall I am satisfied and have made peace with my experience.
Hell, there were even some things we did really well that I’ll totally do again:
- Brought my own pillow
Cannot emphasize this enough.
2. Brought my own snacks
Because you can’t always (or ever) count on hospital food.
3. Brought my own DVDs
Our hospital room had a DVD player, and I think watching Ryan Gosling helped to move labor along. Seriously.
4. Made a labor playlist
Music really helps to calm me down, and although it didn’t magically end up taking the pain away, it definitely helped. Perhaps Led Zeppelin will work for you, too.
5. Yell at people who aren’t meeting my needs
This includes husbands. Sometimes, you just need to take your pain out on others. It’s not healthy, but it’s like giving birth: you don’t always get what you want.