Hello there, Psychos.
I’ve missed you. Well, I have and I haven’t. It [my honeymoon] was actually a very nice break from blogging, from wedding crap, from my job, from the world.
I was able [read: forced] to completely unplug whilst on a giant ass boat in the middle of the Mediterranean, and it felt good. Wireless was crazy expensive on the boat, and the only things I used my phone for was as an alarm clock and to stitch together amazing panoramas of European villages I want to retire to (in like 5 years).
But it’s interesting, because now that I am back, I want to write, I feel the need to write, but I don’t know what to write about. I also want to put a post between me and my last one…so here you go. I just started typing to see what comes out.
So I started this post several days ago, and just last night I got a surprising email – my Post Wedding Blues post is going to be Freshly Pressed, and my first reaction was not excitement. I think my first worry was that I’ll get all this unsolicited advice about how I need to look on the bright side and how I shouldn’t dwell on the wedding, it’s the marriage that’s important. (A side note about advice like this – I find it very interesting that many people in our Western culture have a hard time tolerating sadness, whether it’s their own or someone else’s. We’re taught very early to act like everything’s fine or to cheer people up rather than just accept and deal with what is. Perhaps this is a post for another day…) I’m wondering if dealing with all the FP-ness is going to hinder or help my fragile mood as of late. Being FPed is an honor and a part of me is excited – maybe it’ll give me that push to start really writing again – but it’s also a vulnerable place to be. I’ll get a lot of exposure from all different kinds of people and that can be awesome but it brings about just that – the feeling of being exposed.
My depressed mood hasn’t all been about wedding stuff. I had a lot of fun on my honeymoon, and I was able to just be in the present for the vast majority of it, but we came home to a hurricane of an apartment and it’s driving me crazy. We registered for crap for a house we don’t yet have, and that crap is now piled and shoved into our tiny two bedroom apartment. Right now I feel like I am drowning in stuff – the walls are closing in. More importantly, B and I both came home to jobs from which we’ve learned all we can, and we both feel that it’s time to move on – professionally and personally. At this point, before we’re able to actually make these major changes, I am not sure how I am supposed to keep this feeling of unrest from eating me alive.
The only answer so far has been for me to clean, organize, pile, and give shit away like a maniac on speed. I obsess over what I can give away next, or how I can maximize my closet space beyond what I’ve already done. In my calmer moments, I am also able to reassure myself that this period of my life is transitional, it’s temporary, and I will get through it. Plus, now I have an amazing husband to get through shit with, and that’s the best part.