So I went to my parents’ house this weekend and Saturday morning I woke up in my childhood bed, stumbled down the stairs and opened the cabinet to get some cereal for breakfast and this is what I saw:
Boozy-oh’s: Breakfast of Champions!
Alternate captions for this picture include:
“Cirrhosis Toast Crunch”
“Honey Bunches of Jameson”
“Captain Morgan Crunch”
“Scotchy Charms – They’re magically delicious!”
(Now accepting additional submissions for boozy cereal photo captions in the comments section!)
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I’ll have you know that when I was living at home, this cabinet was full of sweet, delicious carbs in the form of sweet, delicious cereal.
After taking the above incriminating photo, I confronted my mom.
Me: Mom, what happened to the cereal cabinet?
Mom: Why, is it broken? Did you break it?!
Me: No, it’s full of booze. It’s now the booze cabinet!
Mom: Oh, that. Well, I need to take tonic water to calm my restless legs before I go to bed.
Me: …
Mom: And sometimes I need something to take away the bitterness of the tonic water, so I add some whiskey.
Me: You take away bitterness…with whiskey?!
Mom: *quiter* …It calms the legs.
Next she’s gonna tell me that she replaced the candy in the candy drawer with meth.
Psychobabble 