This year, I had trouble coming up with things to put on my Christmas list. This is because I have a one-year-old and I live in a new house that is largely empty, which means I either want crap for my kid that I am too cheap to buy myself, or I want big-ticket items like sofas and wall-to-wall trampolines.
So what did I end up asking for? I can’t believe I am about to tell you.
- Money for a mattress
Yup, I have become that person. The one who asks for money. It’s just that we’re trying to save up to furnish our home and saving is hard. And our current mattress is decidedly not. I’m tired of waking up with a hurtee back.
What this says about me: I’m old and cranky.
2. A dustbuster
Oh dear. I actually cringed when I saw my fingers typing the letters that make up that word. But…I need something smaller than my hugeass vacuum to suck up the 763728294 messes that my kid and cat and husband make everyday. I can’t drag out my vacuum because my back hurts from our damn old mattress and I’m lazy.
What this says about me: I have become my mother.
3. Infinity scarf with pocket
So, I saw these on The View (maybe I should stop typing right there) and I thought they looked cute and practical!
What this says about me: I am the caricature of a SAHM.
4. An electric toothbrush
I have been meaning to get one of these for myself, because I do the Type A thing where I brush super hard and I need to not do that. But then I looked, and these things are fucking expensive. And Christmas is right around the corner! On the list it goes.
(Fun fact: My family exchanged lists, and I saw that my dad had the exact same item on his list. And then I swear I could hear my brother roll his eyes all the way in California.)
What this says about me: I am cheap. I have also become my father, apparently.
And this, my Psychos, is why alcohol flows freely during the most wonderful time of the year, to cover up the shame.
What embarrassing things do you have on your list?!