I’m calling to Brian from the other room as I struggle to research items to put on our baby registry. I’ve found an interesting link that I clicked on.
Me: Hey Brian! Have you ever heard of a push present?!
B (yelling from the other room): A PUSH PRISON?!
Me: Ha, close, but no. A push present.
B: yeah, no.
Me: See, people feel the need to create arbitrary obligations for people to buy others presents for any reason whatsoever. Supposedly, you’re supposed to buy me something in exchange for pushing your kid out of my vag.
B: Uh, I am?
Me: Yeah, and I clicked on this link to see what the customary gifts are. (I show him the link and it’s cheap watches and jewelry)
B: (making a smarmy face) Ooooh, wow, hey. Here, trophy wife, is a gold watch for pushing a tiny creature out of your vagina. Thanks!
Me: No, a trophy wife can’t have your baby, because if her body is ruined, she’s no longer a trophy.
B: But that’s what mistresses are for.
Me: I think we’ve lost sight of the point of this conversation.