My Push Prison

I’m calling to Brian from the other room as I struggle to research items to put on our baby registry.  I’ve found an interesting link that I clicked on.

Me: Hey Brian!  Have you ever heard of a push present?!

B (yelling from the other room): A PUSH PRISON?!

Me:  Ha, close, but no.  A push present.

B: yeah, no.

Me:  See, people feel the need to create arbitrary obligations for people to buy others presents for any reason whatsoever.  Supposedly, you’re supposed to buy me something in exchange for pushing your kid out of my vag.

B:  Uh, I am?

Me:  Yeah, and I clicked on this link to see what the customary gifts are.  (I show him the link and it’s cheap watches and jewelry)

B: (making a smarmy face) Ooooh, wow, hey.  Here, trophy wife, is a gold watch for pushing a tiny creature out of your vagina.  Thanks!

Me:  No, a trophy wife can’t have your baby, because if her body is ruined, she’s no longer a trophy.

B:  But that’s what mistresses are for.

Me:  I think we’ve lost sight of the point of this conversation.



25 responses

  1. Bahahaha! I may have found “push presents,” a term which did not exist when I was pushing– anyway, I may have thought they were stupid the first time, but by the 2nd and 3rd babies, I was wondering why my husband hadn’t caught on. I had to push really hard! I wanted a present. ;-)

  2. Hum, not sure if I agree that the baby that will be pushed out can be qualified as “tiny” but hey, he’s entitled to his opinion ;). The best push present though, is holding that new life in your arms for the first time. Much better than any cheap watch ;)

      • I agree! I’m dropping hints for this pendant I saw at the jewelry store.
        Apparently the Juno Lucina collection is the original push gift.
        A meaningless watch with no symbolism isn’t what I have in mind.
        …but we can all dream! Frankly, having a baby with 10 toes will be the greatest gift.

      • In all seriousness, I think the arbitrary obligation to give people gifts on occasions like this are complete bullshit. Why would we need to try and funnel our feelings into an object when the really good, feeling-filled things are happening right in front of our eyes?

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