Transitional periods are hard

Hello there, Psychos.

I’ve missed you.  Well, I have and I haven’t.  It [my honeymoon] was actually a very nice break from blogging, from wedding crap, from my job, from the world.

I was able [read: forced] to completely unplug whilst on a giant ass boat in the middle of the Mediterranean, and it felt good.  Wireless was crazy expensive on the boat, and the only things I used my phone for was as an alarm clock and to stitch together amazing panoramas of European villages I want to retire to (in like 5 years).

But it’s interesting, because now that I am back, I want to write, I feel the need to write, but I don’t know what to write about.  I also want to put a post between me and my last one…so here you go.  I just started typing to see what comes out.

So I started this post several days ago, and just last night I got a surprising email – my Post Wedding Blues post is going to be Freshly Pressed, and my first reaction was not excitement.  I think my first worry was that I’ll get all this unsolicited advice about how I need to look on the bright side and how I shouldn’t dwell on the wedding, it’s the marriage that’s important.  (A side note about advice like this – I find it very interesting that many people in our Western culture have a hard time tolerating sadness, whether it’s their own or someone else’s.  We’re taught very early to act like everything’s fine or to cheer people up rather than just accept and deal with what is.  Perhaps this is a post for another day…) I’m wondering if dealing with all the FP-ness is going to hinder or help my fragile mood as of late.  Being FPed is an honor and a part of me is excited – maybe it’ll give me that push to start really writing again – but it’s also a vulnerable place to be.  I’ll get a lot of exposure from all different kinds of people and that can be awesome but it brings about just that – the feeling of being exposed.

My depressed mood hasn’t all been about wedding stuff.  I had a lot of fun on my honeymoon, and I was able to just be in the present for the vast majority of it, but we came home to a hurricane of an apartment and it’s driving me crazy.  We registered for crap for a house we don’t yet have, and that crap is now piled and shoved into our tiny two bedroom apartment.  Right now I feel like I am drowning in stuff – the walls are closing in.  More importantly, B and I both came home to jobs from which we’ve learned all we can, and we both feel that it’s time to move on – professionally and personally.  At this point, before we’re able to actually make these major changes, I am not sure how I am supposed to keep this feeling of unrest from eating me alive.

The only answer so far has been for me to clean, organize, pile, and give shit away like a maniac on speed.  I obsess over what I can give away next, or how I can maximize my closet space beyond what I’ve already done.  In my calmer moments, I am also able to reassure myself that this period of my life is transitional, it’s temporary, and I will get through it.  Plus, now I have an amazing husband to get through shit with, and that’s the best part.

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17 responses

  1. i am presently going through the same thing. Fortunately the bedroom has 2 closets. Of course he gets the smaller one. How can I split the bed? I am use to sleeping alone-this is tough. The queen size bed is not big enough-shopping next month. Lets see how that works for me. Congrats to you!

  2. I’m proud of you for being FP’d, but I can completely understand your trepidation. That was a tough post for you to write, and being all vulnerable like that just makes the exposure more difficult. You’ll get through this transition and be stronger for it.

  3. Transitional periods ARE hard. Honestly, they suck royally a lot of the time because your life kind of makes itself over completely before you have the chance to catch your mind and heart up to it. Purging your home of excess junk is so helpful for me too, though.

    I can imagine how you must feel about your previous post being Freshly Pressed. I’ve written hard posts before that for whatever reason got popular, and then I had to muck through all the comments rather than just put it behind me as the cathartic post I intended it to be. Hang in there, and if you need to vent about people giving you their unsolicited advice, just send the bat signal out to me and I’ll beat them up ;D

  4. Welcome back! We’ve (ok, I) have talked about you in other comment threads… there was a shirtless Ryan thing, some other wedding thing, and I don’t know… an I miss Lyssa here and there! Funny how these blog “friendships” work. I’ve missed you, and wondered how you were doing. Really empathized with the future FP post, and glad to hear the honeymoon was great.

    As for all the stuff that’s spinning now, totally get it! It was a very personal, vulnerable post… put on your therapist hat and answer all those comments, with as much serenity and distance as you can muster. You don’t owe anyone anything. Breathe and do what you do so well. Write. Kudos and congrats!

  5. It’s like you’re nesting! And please please please write a post about how to be sad and let other people be sad and support that necessary state of sadness. I need that.

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