I am exhausted, you guys.
Seriously, people keep asking me if I am excited about my upcoming wedding, and…I’m not.
I mean, I want to get married and I feel like I have been waiting for this for forever, but the planning, ooh the planning, has just sucked the life out of me and I have no energy left.
What energy I do muster up is spent on my clients, and after that, I have nothing left.
It doesn’t help that my dress was 5 weeks late and I just got to see it yesterday for the first time since ordering it in January. And now I have to bend over backwards to get this thing altered in time. And it’s great that the bridal shop is compensating me with reduced fees, but you know what I really want? I want them to erase the anxiety I went through. The anxiety I still have and can’t seem to shake.
Which brings me to another subject….
I’ve been reading Quiet by Susan Cain, and even though I am not finished yet (I have much less time for reading these days), it’s been soooo validating. While I always knew that I was on the introverted side of the spectrum, I never knew that all these things about my personality tied into all those introvert personality traits. Since introverted traits are often pathologized, (“She just needs to come out of her shell,” and “Why are you so quiet? Are you mad at me?”) it was awesome to read a different spin – that I groove better with a lesser level of stimulation, is all.
I plan to blog more about my introversion later, but this brings me back to the wedding stuff. In theory, I like being the center of attention, but in reality I often shy away. And at weddings, the bride is the center of attention. Let’s face it, I’m going to look smashing in my fluffy white dress, so can you blame people? There’s also a shitload of stimulation going on at a wedding, especially at your own. I’ll be going around talking to everyone, which don’t get me wrong – it’s going to be awesome – but it’s also going to be taxing.
I suppose I just wonder how I am going to handle it. I guess that’s what my groom is for, to help me get through this…I mean, he’s an introvert, too. Maybe we need to have a safety word or something for when it’s time to go hide in the bathroom. It’s ok, because people will just assume we’re going in there to bang.
Speaking of hiding in the bathroom, I totally understand how bridezillas are made. That’s right, they aren’t born, they’re made. The evil wedding factory takes in perfectly rational, in-love (oxymoron?) engaged females, throws them into the fires of Mt. Doom and cranks out bridezillas like evil furby dolls, except less hairy and with more lace. Their fiances won’t recognize them anymore. The bridezillas will burst into tears because they stepped in cat vomit that morning and their poor gentlemen will be at a loss as to how to console them. And then the bridezillas set fire to the house.
So, this is where I am right now. Maybe a tad bit of an exaggeration, but you get it. And I am going to a wedding this weekend…mixed feelings about that. On one hand, it’s a break from planning, a break from stress, a break from my life. I’ll get to watch people in love (!) and I’ll get to eat and drink and dance. But it’s also time away from planning, which let’s face it, may make me even more stressed. And, I mean, it’s a wedding, so it’ll kinda remind me of my own and how it just needs to GET HERE.