Happiness is an Empty Colon

I talk about poop a lot.

Freud would say this means I am stuck in the anal stage of childhood development, and I am not sure that’s too far off the mark.  Let’s just say that The Beatles were wrong when they said that happiness was a warm gun.  No, no, it’s an empty colon.

—–

Since Brian and I get up for work at different times in the morning, we don’t get to see each other until we get home from work in the evening.  We supplement our communication needs with email and chats during the day.

me: You know, because of this bloating, I’ve had to get up and pee TWICE each night since Saturday

Brian:  eek

me:  My sleep hasn’t been good
Brian:  Have you asked Dr. Internet what to do?
me:  No…but it’s just going to tell me that I am dying.  Or pregnant.  Besides, I pooped this morning, so that’s a plus!
 Brian:  Was it a lot?
 me:  Not a lot…
 Brian:  Still good though
 me:  From 1-10, it was a 4
 Brian:  Hah
 me:  10 being MASSIVE, EPIC poo, you know, that breaks the water
 Brian:  On the Shat Scale
 me:  Right!  So at least my poo wasn’t a 1, which would be like two little nuggets…plop, plop.
 Brian:  Let’s change the subject.
 me:  Why?  This is awesome!  …This could be a blog post!
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24 responses

  1. Hahahhahahaahaha!!!!!!! We occasionally discuss poop. Or lack of it. Or a particularly glorious one. The euphoria of a good poo is one of the universe’s blessings. Have you seen a sloth poo? They only do it once a week and they hug a tree as they do it, but they look like they’re in ecstasy the whole time. It’s hilarious. We watched a documentary.

  2. ohhhh boy.
    The other day I was talking the best pee of my life with my coworker, but this poo conversation takes it to a whole different level lol
    Great post!
    Seriously, I had to laugh.

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