The Parental Matrix

It’s an interesting experience to watch movies with my parents, especially ones that involve twists and turns, or are just a little out there from normal, everyday life (don’t even get me started on The X-Files, for instance).

Last Saturday night, I braved watching The Matrix with my mom and dad. I took slight creative license, but the core flavor is still there.

—–

The agents are chasing Neo through his office

Mom: Why are they wearing sunglasses indoors? Do they know how silly they look?

Me: I think it’s supposed to make them look scarier, Mom. Good to know that tactic wouldn’t work on you, though.

Neo wakes up, looks confused

Dad: Ok, so we’re not supposed to know if he was dreaming or not, right?

Me: That’s correct, Dad. Just hang in there.

Neo hangs in the air as he trains with Morpheus

Dad: So how does he do that?

Me: He’s in the Matrix. It’s not real life, and he can bend the rules.

Dad: Got it.

It’s the spoon-bending scene

Dad: Hold it, so how come he was able to bend the spoon?

Me: Dad, the couch you’re sitting on isn’t real. The woman in the red dress wasn’t real. Remember what the little boy said? THERE IS NO SPOON!

Major fight scene between Neo and Agent Smith

Mom: So how come the sunglasses guy didn’t die just then?

Me: Because he’s an agent, kind of a computer program. The person he was inhabiting just died, but the agent didn’t. He’s in the Matrix.

Neo was just shot multiple times. It was very dramatic.

Dad: Wait a minute, so why didn’t he die from all those bullets?

Me: He’s in the Matrix. The bullets aren’t real. None of this is real!

Dad: But I thought you could still die in the Matrix.

Me: Very good, Dad, you can. But he’s The One, so the rules don’t apply to him. Kinda like Jesus.

Mom: Only Jesus didn’t wear sunglasses indoors.

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32 responses

    • OMG!!! I nearly peed myself this was so funny! My parents couldn’t remember Morpheus’ name EITHER! They remembered that it was an M, but they kept calling him Lawrence Fishbourne (or however you spell it). They didn’t get the pills either…..or what was “real” and what was the Matrix.

      SO FUNNY. Thanks for that!!

  1. Maybe Jesus DID wear sunglasses indoors … I don’t have a picture Bible (aside from all the maps), so I’m not sure. Just sayin’. However, probably not a point to argue with your mom. I would love to have been a fly on the wall during the conversation, though!

    Monica

  2. HaHaHA! I have the same problem as your mom and dad. My hearing is gradually getting worse (too close to the speakers at too many rock concerts in my younger days) and Michelle winds up having to explain a lot of what’s being said on TV (especially when the music track is so loud it obliterates the conversation). Glad you are so patient. And popcorn is good, but bring back spaghetti westerns!

  3. I’m with your parents. I’m probably a bit older than they are. I had tremendous problems watching The Matrix. I had to have someone explain it to me. I still don’t get it. Your commentary does help. Maybe if you had watched it with me I’d have understood it. Or not. Maybe it’s a generational thing. Or just being old.

  4. Oh dear. I had a similar issue with my parents, even though we didn’t watch it together. They rented it many years after I saw it in the theater. And my mother kept saying “Why did he have to choose a red or blue pill?” I figured, if I had to explain that part to her, it was going to be a problem explaining the rest…

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