So I went to my parents’ house this weekend and Saturday morning I woke up in my childhood bed, stumbled down the stairs and opened the cabinet to get some cereal for breakfast and this is what I saw:
Boozy-oh’s: Breakfast of Champions!
Alternate captions for this picture include:
“Cirrhosis Toast Crunch”
“Honey Bunches of Jameson”
“Captain Morgan Crunch”
“Scotchy Charms – They’re magically delicious!”
(Now accepting additional submissions for boozy cereal photo captions in the comments section!)
——
I’ll have you know that when I was living at home, this cabinet was full of sweet, delicious carbs in the form of sweet, delicious cereal.
After taking the above incriminating photo, I confronted my mom.
Me: Mom, what happened to the cereal cabinet?
Mom: Why, is it broken? Did you break it?!
Me: No, it’s full of booze. It’s now the booze cabinet!
Mom: Oh, that. Well, I need to take tonic water to calm my restless legs before I go to bed.
Me: …
Mom: And sometimes I need something to take away the bitterness of the tonic water, so I add some whiskey.
Me: You take away bitterness…with whiskey?!
Mom: *quiter* …It calms the legs.
Next she’s gonna tell me that she replaced the candy in the candy drawer with meth.
Psychobabble 
Well liquor always calms my legs, and my arms, and my face….lol
I loved this post.
Thanks!
I love that title!
Good work!
Ha, thanks! This one was particularly fun!
bahhahahaha!
Right out of college, we used to go on float trips in Missouri…and for breakfast we’d have honey nut beerios (honey nut generic cheerios with beer instead of milk. It tasted kind of like honeyweiss…)
mmmmm…..
I wish my parents would do this. I think they still have a bottle of wine that is literally 30 years old.
Honestly, my parents aren’t big drinkers, which is why this is so hilarious.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran… Now with more Crack! (Alcohol is a gateway drug. Duh.)
Love it! The crack, that is.
Gotta luv your Mom!
I do!
Funny thing is, alcohol exacerbates RLS. So she’s probably offsetting any benefits from the quinine anyway.
…..are you a Brian I know in the real world?
It’s scary when this happens…
It is….especially cuz I loves me some more cereal!
The candy to meth is the next logical step.
Indeed.
Wine-O’s
lolz!
Get-Lucky Charms. Regret Krispies. Bleary-O’s.
Love the Bleary-O’s. Maybe that’ll be my hangover cure.
Hey now, bottles of liquor…Theeeeey’re Great – Too!!!
Tony the Drunken Tiger!
What about “Follow your booze?” Fruit Loops? Lol, I’ll stop.
I loled! Don’t stop!
“I’m cuckoo for…I’m cuckoo for…holy crap I’m too shitfaced to remembrrrllll”…lol. Ok, now I’m done!
You’re just cuckoo.
No argument here. Though strangely, I never did care much for Cuckoo Puffs.
I once tried frosted flakes with a bit of Baileys, wasn’t as good as I thought it would be but still was edible.
mmm…it does sound kinda good.