Jim Beam: Kid Tested, Mother Approved

So I went to my parents’ house this weekend and Saturday morning I woke up in my childhood bed, stumbled down the stairs and opened the cabinet to get some cereal for breakfast and this is what I saw:

Boozy-oh's: Breakfast of Champions!

Boozy-oh’s: Breakfast of Champions!

Alternate captions for this picture include:

“Cirrhosis Toast Crunch”

“Honey Bunches of Jameson”

“Captain Morgan Crunch”

“Scotchy Charms – They’re magically delicious!”

(Now accepting additional submissions for boozy cereal photo captions in the comments section!)


I’ll have you know that when I was living at home, this cabinet was full of sweet, delicious carbs in the form of sweet, delicious cereal.

After taking the above incriminating photo, I confronted my mom.

Me: Mom, what happened to the cereal cabinet?

Mom: Why, is it broken?  Did you break it?!

Me: No, it’s full of booze.  It’s now the booze cabinet!

Mom: Oh, that.  Well, I need to take tonic water to calm my restless legs before I go to bed.

Me:  …

Mom: And sometimes I need something to take away the bitterness of the tonic water, so I add some whiskey.

Me:  You take away bitterness…with whiskey?! 

Mom:  *quiter* …It calms the legs.

Next she’s gonna tell me that she replaced the candy in the candy drawer with meth.


32 responses

  1. Right out of college, we used to go on float trips in Missouri…and for breakfast we’d have honey nut beerios (honey nut generic cheerios with beer instead of milk. It tasted kind of like honeyweiss…)

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