Here Comes The Bride (Through an Archway of Machetes)

Katie from Words for Worms has applied to be my online florist and flower girl. She’s emotionally scarred and unbalanced and wants to pin a vagina to Shirtless Ryan Gosling’s bare chest. She’s craptastic!

Words for Worms

Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here today so I can make my case for being the Florist/Flower Girl for the online wedding of Lyssa of Psychobabble and Shirtless Ryan Gosling. I used to work in a flower shop, and while they only let me wash buckets and answer phones, I’m TOTALLY QUALIFIED to be an online wedding florist.

People always assume that all little girls get the opportunity to be a flower girl at some point in their lives. I’m here to tell you that THEY ARE WRONG. I was never a flower girl. It’s a travesty. Feast your eyes on 5-year-old me:

Obviously I’m not over this slight. I need this for my mental health and well being, damnit! Let’s begin. Lyssa and Ryan have chosen to have a jungle theme for their botanical elements. This is incredibly lucky, because what I really want to portray in this…

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