Holy shitsnacks and crapnuggets, you guys!!
I HAVE BEEN FRESHLY PRESSED!!!
Incredulous with joy!
Notice I had to black out the porn sites I was visiting.
I am surfacing briefly from the orgy of likes, page views, comments, and follows that is currently blowing up on my phone and browser…and let me tell you, this shit is satisfying.
I feel validated beyond any ego-stroking therapy session, so thank you to everyone who stroked my furry walls!
I got The Email on Wednesday and was then left to alternate between manically refreshing WordPress.com and stuffing chocolate in my mouth while pacing my hallway in anticipation for about a day and a half.
As soon as I read the email, I immediately felt this rush of excitement and pure joy…which quickly melted away into intense, crippling anxiety. Holy frick! People are actually going to read the word vomit that I splash onto my very small corner of the internets. I quickly went back to reread the post I had written to ascertain just how humiliated I should plan to be. Did my post contain any typos? Was it funny? Was I going to get any snotty comments? As I read, I remembered that I had written this post all in one sitting while I was still suffering from the tail end of a 3 day long migraine (what possessed me to do that, I have no idea. On second thought, maybe it was the meth). I also realized that I was actually proud of this particular migraine-stupor-induced post. Feeling oddly content and allowing some of the excitement to return, I sat back and awaited the orgy that I woke up to this morning.
Funny, I started this blog not considering myself a writer; I was just a therapist with an anal Freudian complex who wanted to dick around on the internet and see what happened. And now…I guess I’m kinda a writer. And that feels kindof awesome.
So far today, I have gotten more than 4 times the page views I got on my previously best day of blogging, which is also probably 10 times the views I get on an average day…and counting.
I hope I have plenty of lube.
Psychobabble 
Oh my gosh, that’s awesome! Congratulations! And I totally dig the photo, btw :).
Thanks!
It was really that good. Well deserved and so happy for you!
Yay!
Congrats, I hope that I too will have that good fortune!!
I hope so, too! Keep posting!
Aww, you’re so cute! Big fan since you used anal and dick *seemingly* innocently without insinuating any butthurt. :D
I meant to say, “in the same sentence” too, but became distracted by the butthurt.
…Preparation H?
My goal in life is to never insinuate butthurt.
Congrats – living the WordPress dream!
Indeed – I eat nothing but caviar and pate now.
Congratulations on becoming famous. I love that picture of you staring in astonishment at your computer. You sure are adorable. Glad to see you getting recognized for being awesome.
Wow, thanks all around!
My favorite part about this photo? Your nose freckles. Adorable. I’m glad wordpress got around to noticing how awesome you are. Keep kicking ass. Let me know if you get trolls. I’ll passive aggressively troll them into submission.
Awwww, thanks, I looove my freckles!
I’ll send the trolls your way!
Totally know what you’re saying. I just got the e-mail on Tuesday and did the exact same thing. Surprisingly, I’ve only gotten one slightly dick-ish comment, and that was from some guy who reblogged, so joke’s on him. I, too, encountered the terror that is gown shopping. I got the joy of hearing all about my hips being big? Which I never really noticed before. Funny how bitchy some of those keepers can be. I ended up buying one online sight unseen from that “I Found the Gown” store and, miraculously, it worked. Although, it is like 3 sizes too big. Whatever. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I’m looking forward to following your antics :)
More antics will be provided, so stay tuned!
We like you. We really like you.
*sob*….I’d like to thank the Academy…
Congrats, and remember to stretch your fingers in between comment reply marathons.
WAY TO GO, LYSSAPANTS!
Thank you!
LOUD NOISES!
I’m quite pleased that WordPress really got it right today! Enjoy the wave! Its such a rush of everything wonderful :)
Thanks! I’m kindof a big deal…
Indeed you are! And the best part about all this is that you got FP on Friday…which means your post will probably be up there till Monday! :D Three days!!!
I had that same thought, too. I totally lucked out!
Lovely lovely lovely. Congratulations on this fine and brilliant dickering. I think it goes far beyond just one lacey post.
Thanks, I was hoping to drag out the dickering for as long as possible.
Go with your strengths.
I shit you not, I was just thinking yesterday about how you were the most deserving of bloggers who has yet to be Freshly Pressed. I guess I have blogging ESP. Or I just hacked your email.
I was just about to ask Le Clown to make me a fuck-you-wordpress-not-yet-freshly-pressed badge, but I won’t be needing it!
And please disregard all the porn in my email inbox.
Congrats… now you have peaked and you can begin the slide back into obscurity. Now what was that part about stroking your furry walls, because I don’t know if I know what that means… and I sort of want to.
Ha, right, now I can really let myself go and slide into that meth addiction that I’ve been battling.
Stroke the furry walls is a reference to the movie Get Him to the Greek.
I saw that movie. I like Russell Brand, but the movie only made me laugh a few times. As to the addiction thing… stay away… trust me on this.
Congratulations! Dickery or brilliance? Always a fine line, and I think you definitely err on the latter. Jen said boobs.
I prefer boobies. It’s more endearing.
Congratulations! I could understand that thrill of page views, let alone the feelings of last minute proofreading under the pressures of sudden publicity. I started less than a month ago, and I have already reached well over my 1K mark. It intrigues me with motivation to publish even more blog posts as soon as I fly by my views on my busiest day record. The viewers alone are enough to satisfy my desire to write more. I wish you best of luck in the future. Take care, dear.
Thanks! Good luck with your writing.
Congratulations – prepare for some serious repetitive strain injury as you reply to all your new fans!
Carpel tunnel has never been so gladly accepted!
CONGRATS! Will you sign my boobs?
Whip em out! Where’s the sharpie?
Yay!! Congrats on freshly pressage. Your dickery with words on the Internet is something I’ve enjoyed for a long while.
Thanks for the positive assessment of my dickery!