I tend to obsess over things.
Indeed, I diagnosed myself with a minor case of OCD after obsessing and compulsing over the criteria in my Intro To Messed Up People textbook that was required reading in undergrad.
Wedding planning has proved to be no different. In fact, it has proven to be worse.
As a result of looking through countless wedding venue websites, calling venue people to leave messages and asking questions in emails, visiting lots of venues in person and being told all their frickin rules and restrictions and through-the-roof prices, I now have new obsessions and compulsions to add to my list.
1. When I enter a large space, I immediately size it up and start calculating how many round tables could fit in this space, seating 10 people each, and where the dance floor could be.
Doesn’t matter where I am: the conference room at work, a park on the way home, a wide aisle in the grocery store.
2. When I watch a movie with a wedding in it, I find myself noticing details about the wedding I didn’t give a fondant about 6 months ago: the kind of chairs they have, how many people are seated at a table, the kind of fabric draped as decoration. Yesterday I paused Wedding Crashers several times to drool at all the gorgeous tents and chairs.
If only my Hollywood dad were Christopher Walken.
3. I’ve started to have the freaky everything-that-can-go-wrong-will dreams that make me feel the opposite of rested in the morning. What’s the most maddening is that, in these dreams, I end up obsessing over weird things that I would never do in real life.
For instance, last night I dreamed that I was practicing my wedding dance moves in this big class of women who were all getting married at this same venue in the coming year. Not only was this class a requirement for getting married at that venue, but the dance moves they wanted us to know were horrible 80s hip-hop moves. No, kind sir, it is most definitely not hammer time. And I was dressed in what I was going to get married in, which was these grey leggings under my wedding dress, and on my feet were these clunky, slip-on clogs that I couldn’t dance in, and ankle socks that matched the bridesmaids dresses. I remember that I kept tugging on the leggings to keep them down, and on the socks so they’d stay up. *shudder*
—
The good news, after all this searching and obsessing and our refusal to settle, Brian and I have found a wedding venue that WE LOVE and we have set a motherfucking date!
Brian flew us over the venue to get a bird’s eye view
Not only that, but we’ve also found a partial wedding coordinator which makes me feel sooo much better when I look forward to the next 10 months.
I can’t wait to get to what I call the fun stuff, which is mainly dress shopping and renting several chocolate fountains. Not at the same time, though.
Psychobabble 
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“If only my Hollywood dad were Christopher Walken.” – Oh how I wish my dad was Christopher Walken! I really, really love my real dad but he’s no Walken.
Let me spare you the cliche ol’ married lady patronizing attitude of “It’s the marriage that counts, not the wedding.” While I sort of believe that, I also heartily believe that this is your party and you should go crazy if you want to!
I agree on all counts- on Walken, on it’s the marriage, on it’s my party.
I’ve been with my partner for a good long while, and I think we’re just focused on having an awesome good party and then just BEING married!!
You’re so cuuuute! The wedding venue from the air looks even more amazing! (Are you going to have a freakin’ hilltop ceremony???? SO ROMANTIC!!!) I know what you’re going through and this madness will unfortunately not stop until the actual day is over! Sorry… You thought I’d have better advice, right? So, hang in there and write about it! It’s very therapeutic as you know! The best part of the planning is coming up however and I’m happy that you found a partial wedding coordinator! I actually never heard of that up here and boy would I have loved to have one… I can’t wait for you to go dress shopping!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to need a padded cell before this is all over…
See, Americans are so bat shit crazy that we need to pay wedding coordinators in order to get us through this process.
Yay for finding a venue! Now the fun will really begin! You can never start to early on the dress so start looking and enjoying the froufery.
Complete non sequitur: what you said about calculating the maximum amount of people for a big area totally reminded me of how, ever since I was a little kid, whenever I go to church, I think about how many pews a bullet would pierce if you shot directly into it. Go ahead, diagnose me. I suspect I am as homicidal as we all thought.
ooh, I love stories about really creepy intrusive thoughts!
I also really like the word foufery.
Get out of my head woman! I can totally relate, and don’t worry – the compulsion gets exponentially worse as the date approaches. At some point I will reach the “acceptance” phase – you know, like if I was dying – and be at peace. Right now I’m fluctuating between rage and denial. I have also had a ton of wedding nightmares – including one that involved my wedding luncheon being a soup potluck and of course the soup spilled everywhere. Also one where my officiant was the robot reverend from Futurama. What. The. Hell. Good luck with everything! So glad you’re getting lots of help.
Crazy loves company!
I want to make a movie about that required wedding class. That sounds like awesome sci-fi.
Only on the condition that my character gets better shoes. And a weapon.
You know what else is fun? Cake tasting. I recommend doing more of that than is strictly necessary.
We may not be going with cake, actually. But I do want as many dessert tastings as possible.