This morning I got out of bed and had one of those what am I doing? moments. Well, I guess it’s longer than a moment cuz I am still having it.
This is the first time in my educational/professional life that I haven’t had a plan for what comes next. For so long, my ultimate goal has been getting licensed as a therapist, and I had all the smaller goals leading up to that. I viewed my professional life as this visual cliff, where I could look out and see all these roadblocks (earning hours, turning in the application, studying, taking each exam, etc.) leading up to the sheer drop-off, and just at the edge of the cliff was licensure.
Now I am standing here, at the edge of the cliff, and I look over and I see…nothing. Air. Blank space. A long drop. Sure, I have a few floating ideas for what may come next, but nothing that really takes shape.
I am doing my best to hang in this space and feel what it’s like. I don’t have too much judgement- it’s neither good nor bad; it’s just where I’m at right now. It is an interesting mix of excitement- that my world could go in any direction right now- to fear- that I have no idea what the hell I am doing from this point forward.
With that said, I wonder what I will say or how I will feel about this time in my life when I look back in 5 or 10 years time?
More and more I find myself thinking about the personal/family development of my life, and so far that has been a nice change. The timing couldn’t have been better, that as soon as I got licensed I got to start planning a wedding (and not at the same time, thank goodness).
Maybe some floating babies will materialize as I continue to look out over this cliff, who knows?
At any rate, I hope they are diapered, or else look out below.
How have others conceptualized life transitions (or lack thereof)?
Anyone else have that feeling of now what? once you’ve achieved some long sought-after goal?