Therapy is fab, you guys

Somehow, a little bird heard my prayer and it was answered.

That’s right, folks, the Kardashians went to family therapy, and my hypothalamus lit up like a pinball machine.

Do you all get what this means?!

Whatever the Kardashians do is automatically cool, by default.  Especially x-raying your ass.  I had mine done twice.

Sooooo, this means that……therapy is cool now, you guys!  Booyeah!

Since soon there will be a monsoon of Kardashian followers wanting to seek fulfillment through the art of frontal lobe massage, I had better take advantage by opening my own private practice.  I mean, this is too good to pass up!  But that’s not even the best part:  Another truth about the Kardashians is that they never miss an opportunity to whore themselves out selling various shitsnacks, so I said to myself, I says, Self, them Kardashians need to endorse my private practice.  Hell, I’ll even make it worth their while and name it after them.  Maybe something katchy like Kardashian Kalm.  The commercial would go something like this:

White background.  Kim comes sashaying to the foreground wearing a skintight sweaterdress.

Kim: Ohmigod, you guys, I feel so…empty inside.

Enter Khloe from the right

Khloe: Maybe you should, like, eat something.

Kim: No, it’s not that.  I had a stick of celery five hours ago.

Enter Kourtney from the left

Kourtney: Maybe it’s a different kind of empty.  You know, like, the feeling kind.

Kim: Ooh, yeah…that.

Khloe turns toward the camera

Khloe: I think I read somewhere that talking about feelings makes people feel less crappy.

Kourtney (turning to Khloe): I didn’t know you could read.

Kim: Anyway, we went to therapy as a family, and it was fab.

Khloe: Bible.

Kourtney: Yeah, bible.

Kim: We made each other cry, put it on the teevee, and got paid for it.  We think that you  should do therapy, too.

Khloe: Except you’ll have to pay for it, and stuff.

Kim: So if you sign up for 15 sessions at Lyssapants’ new private practice, Kardashian Kalm, we’ll throw in this waterproof mascara for free.

Kourtney: Cuz when Lyssa makes you cry, your makeup will still look fab after you’re done.

Kim: Bible.

Khloe: Yeah, bible.

This is gonna be awesome, you guys!

Advertisements

15 responses

  1. Kanye West was probably behind it. No one man should have all that power. Heh.

    I wonder if he is going to therapy with Kim and the fam? I can just picture it, “Ima let you finish in a minute Kim.”

  2. Two thoughts:
    1. I miss therapy. Someone who was paid to listen to whatever I felt like saying? Wait and she HAD to listen? Yep. I miss therapy.
    2. I don’t miss the Kardashians. In fact, I don’t miss the job I had where the Kardashians were always on the TV during lunch. I like my lunches Kardashian free.

Babble at me:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s