Welcome to the third post (or fourth if you count the post on the conspiracy against our secret super powers) about my trip to Puerto Rico last July.
Click here if you missed the one about all the mouth watering and not-so-mouth-watering food we consumed while on the Isla del Encanto.
For this post, I will recap all the wonderful creatures we came across on our journey. There was quite an array, complete with mongeese and a lizard we lovingly named Chupagente.
Me gustaria caca de gato
Remember before I left, I was hoping to barter for a great price on cat poop? Well, I found some bonafide Puerto Rican cats trolling the streets of San Juan, and just like Ace Ventura, I let them swarm around me carrying all their fleas and disease. It was kind of awesome.
We found several giant iguanas that are slowly eroding away the precious, historical fortresses by literally digging holes in the rock walls so they can come out and sunbathe whenever they want. And don’t let their lazy demeanor fool you- they can move right quick when they want to (meaning, when I am trying to take a picture of them). Lazy bastards. But maybe not-so-lazy since it takes a badass to dig a hole into a rock wall. Badass bastards.
Aye, sea turtles
When we got to Luquillo on the eastern side of the island, we saw signs up about baby sea turtles hatching, and I immediately started quoting Pirates of the Caribbean (“…with human hair, from my back“). They had protected sea turtle nests roped off on the beaches, and as we were walking back from dinner one night, I tried to give the unborn babies some moral support so maybe they’d hatch for me like in Jurassic Park but no dice. I also made a mental note to lay off the booze at this point.
Beware the Mongoose!
So, as we were
eating trying to choke down our melted cheese logs before hiking into the tropical rainforest, we notice this sign:
Turns out, at some point people got sick of how many snakes there were on this godforsaken island, and so someone decided to bring in a bunch of mongeese because, hey, they eat snakes! Sweet deal! You know what they also do? They also are great at carrying rabies and then munching on human ankles. Greaaaat. Not only that, but once they ate all the snakes, there was nothing left to eat the rats. Somebody figured the mongooses(es) would eat the rats, too, cuz hey, they’ll eat anything, right? Well…not if they’re le tired. Someone had forgotten their thinking cap on that day since it turns out that rats are nocturnal and mongeeses are not. Awesome job, you guys.
Stop, now, what’s that sound?
When we got to the smaller island of Vieques, we found a cute little cicada in the bathroom of our open-air hotel room. How cute! I just left him be, since he seemed to get a kick out of watching me pee.
Sadly, it seemed this little guy had come into our bathroom to die. Either that, or I blame the horribly stinky, toxic fumes that get released inside our bathroom. Sad face. We said a few words.
Chupa my balls!
Still fragile from the lovely impromptu cicada funeral, we found a cute lizard intent on crawling in amongst my toiletries and refused to leave the now cursed bathroom area. “This place is doomed, all ye who enter here!” I screamed at him, trying to save him from meeting the same bitter end as his cicada friend. I guess he just loved us too much and stayed for quite a while, and so we called him Chupagente (after the famously named chupacabra, of course).
Horsey, horsey, horsey!
The island of Vieques is swarming with semi-wild horses, and I adored them ever so much! I think they appealed to my inner 7 year old girl. They also often blocked traffic and didn’t give a flying mongoose’s ass about it. That appealed to my inner 75 year old man.
Stay tuned for more adventures from PR!